Sunday, February 19, 2017

Sorry for being a dick...

I am blessed with a little girl who knows a thing or two about issuing the perfect apology. First of all, she ensures the intended audience is aware of the intent of said card by titling it: "Sorry Note", complete with beautiful imagery. Then inside, a heartfelt: "Sorry for being a dick", which I think we can all agree is the perfect blend of truth and humour to cancel out most transgressions. Hallmark, you getting this? And as my one friend pointed out, she may have indeed wrote: Sorry for "you" being a dick, then stroked it, hence also issuing one last subtle reminder that neither one of us was acting very nicely. A final punch packaged with a heart. Fucking brilliant, really...the card that keeps on giving.

Shortly after delivering my apology note, she starting ...showing off a bit with the following:

Isla: May I please clean my room before we go watch a movie?
Me: Are you ill?
Isla: No, I'm not sick. I just used my conscience. That's the virtue I am using.
Me: Seriously. Are you dying?
Isla: It is really hard to use this virtue.
Me: *desperately searching for phone to dial 911*

I just love her. I think she's pure magic.


Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Nothing says I Love You, like...

I asked Isla to sign a card for Daddy. Hands-to-face in horror, she wailed: "WHY, IS HE DYING?" No, Isla. We're just writing out a card for Valentine's Day. Oh. That crisis averted, I also asked her to write down what Jimmy wanted to say. His new thing whenever he sees his Dad is to shout: "RODDY, MY MAN!!!" And apparently that is exactly what he wanted to say this Valentine's Day. Also of note, as per his signature, I'm guessing his new east Indian name is "Jamal."

Oh, and please lieu of flowers, please draw a cock and ball set. Nothing screams love more than that.

Queens in the North are born in September, you say? Why, yes...yes they are. Other than celebrate the birth of our Lord, what the hell else were our parents meant to do in December?

Monday, January 30, 2017

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, the world was full of Good and Bad.
Now, deep down the people knew that there was more Good than Bad,
but sometimes it was easy for the people to forget.
Because Bad seemed to be everywhere they turned.
The news and the headlines and the media loved Bad,
because Bad had a way of drawing in ratings,
and getting attention and selling more papers,
whereas Good was often overlooked as boring,
lacking in story, not quite Good enough for the headlines.
Bad has a way of whipping up fear and buried furies,
turning friends into foes, darkest fears into brutal thoughts and deeds.

The little girl knew with all of her heart
that there was more Good in the world than Bad.
And she also knew that when it looked like Bad was winning,
when it appeared as though it was hardly worth saying anything at all,
well, that’s when Good mattered the most.
That’s when the people had to remember that Good
has a magic quality that Bad will never have.
Good has the magic to spread like fire, even faster than Bad.
Good may appear little and insignificant,
but the power of all of that Good put together can smash mountains.
The people knew that they had to stand up for Good
for all they were worth – to find it in themselves,
to demand it of each other, to accept nothing less.
Because the little girl remembered what a friend once told her.

“That Fairy tales are more than true –
not because they tell us dragons exist,
but because they tell us dragons
can be beaten. (G.K. Chesterton)”

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