Saturday, May 31, 2014

Grade One Jack William MacLeod

I finally did it...I made time to wade through the piles of shit treasures stacked in my office. With the winding down of yet another school year just weeks away, I know I'll be bombarded with more stacks of stuff coming home. The looming thought of yet another onslaught of classroom gems was enough to get the blood pumping and force a rip-through of Jack's school work from last year. I sometimes struggle with what to keep, and what to toss. But I tell you, the stuff that makes me laugh? Those are keepers. I suspect I'll need a lot of laughs to get me through their teenage years. (For when I run out of mushrooms...)

With that, I bring you some treasures from Grade One, courtesy of Jack William MacLeod. Buckle up. These are from the child who brought you the following:

Fuck Volcanoes
Compound Words
When I'm 100 Years Old
Body Parts (Complete with a uterus/esophagus mishap...these things happen.)

p.s. Please keep in mind that how he acts is technically only half my fault.

Exhibit A: they are learning about responsibility at school. The question reads: How does acting responsible help you? His reply: be rich from all my allowance. Followed by the question: How does acting responsible help the people around you? His reply: lend Mom my money.

Sweet. And totally true. There's nothing that brings me greater joy than begging my son for a twenty. It truly fills my heart with pride and makes me feel fulfilled as a parent. Next...

Exhibit B: Clearly they were learning about their senses, and were asked to list things they see with their eyes. His first entry? Poop. He said he wrote it to make Koen laugh, who apparently was sitting beside him, hence landing as entry #2. His teacher made him erase it, even though Jack thought that was silly because he was only doing it to make his friend laugh. Isn't that OK, Mommy...making people laugh? Sure is, Jack, but remember what I said...never at the expense of others. You don't ever want to make someone feel bad. Well, I wasn't talking about my teacher's poop, Mom, it was my poop I saw with my eyes so it shouldn't have made her feel bad. You know what, Jack? You're absolutely right. That was a complete over-reaction on her part. (Pick your battles wisely, parents...)
Exhibit C: I show this only to illustrate the answer to question #14, and how the timing of the test coincided with Jack referring to his 2-year old brother as Rectum Maximus for the duration of that week. Good times, proud moments. Particularly as it rang out in the aisles of Safeway.

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