Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Boarding school postponed...

Just when we thought perhaps we had to ship him off to boarding school, I find this when sorting through Jack's school stuff from Grade 4 last year.

"And please help my grandma because grandpa past away."

"When my mom's dad died I understood what she was
going through because he's my grandpa."

Truly, he melted my heart. For us Catholics, lent starts tomorrow. (For you non-Catholics, it's just yet another form of torture, pardon me, rite of passage for our faith. Nothing to see here, other than weeping and the gnashing of teeth. Move along.) I'm thinking I'll start my very own virtue reflections journal for Lent, because there are a few things I need to work on. Ok, a lot of things. Although if my husband is careless enough to drop a $20, let's be clear that I will not be giving it back. It is not respectful to show a Scotsman that he's lost money.

And in other news, if "Jamal" were to have $100, apparently he would buy a hockey stick and a orange and black car. Not entirely certain if the orange signifies the fruit variety, or if the car itself would be orange AND black. Horrifying either way...

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Sorry for being a dick...

I am blessed with a little girl who knows a thing or two about issuing the perfect apology. First of all, she ensures the intended audience is aware of the intent of said card by titling it: "Sorry Note", complete with beautiful imagery. Then inside, a heartfelt: "Sorry for being a dick", which I think we can all agree is the perfect blend of truth and humour to cancel out most transgressions. Hallmark, you getting this? And as my one friend pointed out, she may have indeed wrote: Sorry for "you" being a dick, then stroked it, hence also issuing one last subtle reminder that neither one of us was acting very nicely. A final punch packaged with a heart. Fucking brilliant, really...the card that keeps on giving.

Shortly after delivering my apology note, she starting ...showing off a bit with the following:

Isla: May I please clean my room before we go watch a movie?
Me: Are you ill?
Isla: No, I'm not sick. I just used my conscience. That's the virtue I am using.
Me: Seriously. Are you dying?
Isla: It is really hard to use this virtue.
Me: *desperately searching for phone to dial 911*

I just love her. I think she's pure magic.


Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Nothing says I Love You, like...

I asked Isla to sign a card for Daddy. Hands-to-face in horror, she wailed: "WHY, IS HE DYING?" No, Isla. We're just writing out a card for Valentine's Day. Oh. That crisis averted, I also asked her to write down what Jimmy wanted to say. His new thing whenever he sees his Dad is to shout: "RODDY, MY MAN!!!" And apparently that is exactly what he wanted to say this Valentine's Day. Also of note, as per his signature, I'm guessing his new east Indian name is "Jamal."

Oh, and please Jack...in lieu of flowers, please draw a cock and ball set. Nothing screams love more than that.

Queens in the North are born in September, you say? Why, yes...yes they are. Other than celebrate the birth of our Lord, what the hell else were our parents meant to do in December?

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