Monday, April 8, 2013

Your Biggest Regrets...Part Two

For new readers, please click here to follow this journey from the beginning.

I’ll wager a guess that at some point in our life, most of us have dealt with regret. The shifty thing about regret is that it’s usually not a once-and-done thing. It’s not like we say: “Oh, what a nasty regret that was. Thankfully, I’ve moved on.” Rather, even the whiff of regret has the power to significantly alter the trajectory of your life. It’s slippery as an eel, this one. However therein lies the beauty of it. With regret, we’ll always have a choice on how we deal with it.

The mistake is ours to own, as is the decision on how to handle the mess.

We can let regret sit on the surface and rot like manure. This stench gives us a very foul kidding, who wants to sit in shit all day? It taints everything and everyone we come into contact with. Nothing seems right. The bluebird of happiness himself would not be able to penetrate your armour of dung.

Conversely, we can use that same manure to act as fertilizer. Let it seep to our roots, become part of who we are, learn from it, grow from it and bloom because of it. Guess what? Same shit, different pile. But friends, what a difference it makes where you choose to toss your pile.

Again, it’s a choice. Even better, it's your choice. Just make it a better one the second time around.

Here forthwith, is part two of your biggest regrets. (Bet you regret not reading Part One.)

It changes from year to year based on how badly I fuck up. On paper my life would lead you to believe I should have a gazillion regrets, but I don't, oddly enough. When my marriage ended I thought for a moment I married the wrong guy, but one look at my beautiful child and I know that is not true. I am not proud of how I handled some things during our separation, but we have since forgiven and forgotten and have a good relationship in co-raising our child. So I don't regret the divorce, even though I don't like being divorced, if that makes sense. I guess one thing I regret is not making a living at something I am really passionate about. I like my job and my employer is great, but I know I have more in me and untapped talents. I haven't fully explored it, so my answer to the second question is no, I haven't done anything about it...yet anyway. There is still time!

Losing my scholarship due to lack of effort. I no longer do things half-ass and take pride in everything I am a part of.

A time when my actions hurt those that I loved the most. Have I done something about it? Yes, I did.

Not being a good friend when a good friend needed me. Yes, I told her it was my only real regret up to that point in my life, and asked for her to forgive me.

Not travelling before I started working. Although looking at where I am now, I wouldn't trade it back, but would encourage my children to not get responsible so quickly.

Living a life of nonchalance, and not caring as deeply for some in my life as I should have and taking for granted that all friends and acquaintances would always be there. I am in the process of trying to rebuild past relations, and make new ones. These feelings have just set in over the past five years.

Not learning to drive sooner. It’s on my to-do list.

Giving up, for a time, my creativity.

I don't have any big regrets. Maybe not buying up a bunch of real estate before housing prices sky-rocketed…but I’m not clairvoyant. I regret that I’m not clairvoyant.

Waiting for something to happen to me. I have started to do something about it, but I am not good at it.

Having someone sever a relationship with me, for reasons I didn't understand. I did everything that I could think of to restore that relationship, but it didn’t happen. I have to it go – I can't make other people's choices for them.

I really wish I would have liked myself as much as I do now…fine lines, zits and all.

My biggest regret is going with the flow in high school. So many opportunities passed where I should have stood up for the weakest link. What I have done about it is to try to instill this value deep within my children.

My biggest regret is that I have lied. Not about anything in particular, but lied to cover up mistakes rather than being honest, lied to hide my fears and insecurities, lied to make my life seem 'cooler, happier, more adventurous.' I've done nothing. I've sat with these lies, scared shitless of the outcome. Scared that I will lose the trust of my friends, family, coworkers, and people that I admire and have great respect for. I try to tell myself that they were small lies and that I did them in order to cover up stuff that could lead to potential problems - however I really think they've sat and bubbled away, soon about to explode into something deeper.

I don't know that I regret anything entirely because I wouldn't be who I am today without those moments. I do wish that I had been braver and more confident in myself when I was younger…we're talking teens and twenties. Eventually, those instincts kicked in though, and now I find myself really trying to encourage that bravery and confidence in our children as we parent them.

My biggest regret is now staying in University. I haven’t done anything about it. Yet.

It used to be that I didn’t tell my parents or the rest of my family how important they were. I changed that a couple years ago and can say I love them to their faces. But you shouldn't wait 45 years to make that a habit.

That I didn't take more time playing music with my Dad. He’s gone now so I can’t do anything about it.

That I wasn't a better father and husband.

Not making exercise a part of my life until after kids. But it is never too late. I now lift weights 2 -3 times per week.

Getting married. No, I've done nothing about it. She’s still alive.

 To be continued.

1 comment:

Carin said...

I DID read part one, ha.

This was good - I'm thinking mine over and will send you my answers - WITH my name.

I always love your comments. Thank you for them.

Funny that I should happen upon this post after vowing (again) to be less fearful and procrastinate less.

And, I'm all over Canada, eh!!

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