Let me choke you 'til you tap out...

Simultaneous discussions overheard a few days ago in our household:

Jack: Hey James, let's choke each other until one of us taps out.
James: HELLO KITTY!
Me: That may be the dumbest idea I've heard all week. And James, why are you screaming hello kitty?

*insert choking each other*...

Me: Seriously. Stop that. Go learn how to play the guitar or something.
Me: Isla, what do you want as a PIN for your bank card? 4 numbers.
Isla: Gabby
Me: Four. NUMBERS...
Isla: Gabby

I suspect that the choking and tapping out game has been going on for a while, depleting oxygen supply to their brains. I've been oblivious to the clues, including this notebook of Isla's from last year that I just found. I appreciate her clarity and strong declaration of feelings regarding sentence construction: "I quit", with a big old "pirid" to make her point clear.

How cute is that little backward "s" in her name, though?

1 calories burned...

For the last three Fridays in a row, I have been getting up at the ass-crack of dawn to hit the one-hour training session at Orange Theory. We're the deranged 5:00 am group. So whilst purging my inbox this week, I came across my "performance assessments" for the last three workouts. The one from last Friday? And I quote "1 calories burned".

They didn't even have the decency to make that bitch singular.

1 calories burned.

That's a tic tac.

One. Fucking. Tic. Tac.

All this for an hour of outrageous athleticism. (insert cough) Now for someone who eats an entire container of tic tacs in under 7 minutes - because I crunch them like the candy that they are - this preliminary cost-benefit analysis makes me question many things. Like if maybe I died during my work-out and found Jesus.

Don't even ask me what a splat point is...at this point, I don't care.

Self-esteem...

When your friend shows up at the door on a Saturday morning to pick up your 8-year old son, and he runs ahead to answer the door and you hear him whispering in hushed tones, issuing the following warning to said friend: "You may not recognize my mom cause you're used to seeing her at work when she usually brushes her hair, and wears a bra and stuff, so..."

If your self-esteem needs a boost, hang out with a kid for the day. Just not mine...